i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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