He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
