i jhust puked up my retainher.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You are a genius and a whore.
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