They should really pass out barf bags in church
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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