got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
