i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
