everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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