I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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