ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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