Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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