One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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