When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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