Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
