I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize