i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize