Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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