They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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