Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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