Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
