turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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