I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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