she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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