Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
