Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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