Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
