do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
