I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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