Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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