Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
