to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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