I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He passed out mid-signature
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
