That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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