Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
