she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
