All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
how does that bad decision feel?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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