She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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