Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
