They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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