i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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