I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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