Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
