It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
so much tequila, so little girl.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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