so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
