I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
