Dignity is for republicans.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
