He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
