Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
