I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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