maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
