he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
