I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
