If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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