I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
