I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
