I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
