when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Boobs are out for the taking
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
