well I can't set my house on fire every night
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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