I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
