He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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