after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
