idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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