There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
