I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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